Hidden Escape

I inconspicuously made my way through the foyer of the downtown hotel. I texted “Jewel” of my arrival, and she agreed to meet me at the elevator. There I spotted a young petite Asian lady in a short pink dress. We discreetly entered the elevator. She casually asked about my trip downtown as we made our way up to her room. She slid the key card to open the door. I followed behind her, admiring the way her dress showed off her figure. She shut the door behind us, the room having become our hidden escape. I excused myself to leave the envelope containing the donation on the bathroom counter. We sat down, and we talked about her current travels on tour. She seemed cute and playful, and I enjoyed her company.

She said she was currently reading a book on feminist frameworks that explores how sex work can empower women. Sensing that our rendezvous was about to become more passionate, I excused myself to take a shower.

When I returned, the dress was off, and she was lying on the bed wearing only her white bra and panties. She complimented my body. I joined her on the bed and assisted her in taking off her lingerie, revealing her perky breasts and shapely ass. She started kissing me up and down my body. Her lithe naked body over mine was a lovely sight. I nibbled on her ears and licked and sucked on her delicate nipples. As I massaged her breast, she took my cock into her mouth. I felt her tongue dance around the tip of my cock. I brushed aside her silky black hair to get a better look at her. While the sensations were exquisite, I wanted to be inside of her. She retrieved a condom and put it on with her mouth. I got on top of her. We stopped for a moment, and she hopped off the bed. She pressed her hands against the wall, bending her ass out. I moved behind her and resumed fucking her. The sensation of her ass bouncing against my pelvis was almost too much for me to handle. When I heard her moans, I couldn’t contain myself any longer. I exploded soon thereafter.

She cleaned me up, and we cuddled in bed afterwards, her head reclining on my shoulder. We talked some more. She was enjoying exploring some of the downtown restaurants. (She was particularly fond of the martinis at one establishment.) As our appointed time neared its end, I excused myself to dress. She enticed me to agree to visit her again when she returns to town.

Concupiscence of the Flesh

That “concupiscence of the flesh” with which Augustine was quite intimately familiar in his youth is ever-present: “I was bound by this need of the flesh.”

All of which drove me to seek out an encounter with Claudette. I had seen her just prior to when the pandemic struck. When I discovered she was visiting the area, I was eager to enjoy her company. To my surprise, when I sought an appointment, she remembered me: “Oh, yes, you’re the theologian.” We worked out a time that fit our calendars. When the date arrived, I made my preparations and drove across the bridge to the classic hotel where she was hosting.

A mature, sophisticated “courtesan” with a European background, she welcomed me wearing a sheer white robe. I spied the white teddy she wore underneath. I discreetly set the envelope containing the donation on a side table. We sat on a sofa, and she asked me about my studies. She had previously been in education and was interested in academia. I found her slight accent (she’s a native Francophone) beguiling and her intelligence arousing. Meanwhile her long creamy legs jutted out from the opening of her robe. After several minutes of conversation, she seductively placed her hand on my thigh. I’m certain she noticed my arousal. She suggested we move to the bed and promptly removed her robe.

We made it to the side of the bed. She positioned her knees on the carpet. Her hands reached for my belt. She unfastened it and undid my zipper. My pants fell down. She pulled my cock out of my boxer briefs. My cock literally ached as she handled it. I watched as she licked the head, then the shaft. She wrapped her lips around the length of my cock. I wrapped my fingers in her blond hair and groaned as my cock throbbed in her mouth.

She reached for the condom, and we moved onto the bed. She crawled on top of me, straddling my waist, and slid me inside of her. Her hips began gyrating. My hands grasped her waist before I reached for her tits. After riding me for several minutes, she dismounted me and got onto her knees. The sight of her curved body in front of me was pleasing to my eyes. I moved behind her and reentered her. Clutching at her hips, I went faster and faster, harder and harder, deeper and deeper. My pelvis slapped against her ass. My face was marred by streaks of sweat. My balls tightened as I frenetically thrust. Then I erupted.

Collapsing on the bed afterwards, we engaged in a bit more conversation. As the end of our appointed time approached, I dressed and prepared to exit. We shared a kiss goodbye. Then I departed.

Complicit in Her Corruption

She had the door to her hotel suite slightly cracked open so as to not attract undue attention. Daniella was waiting just inside wearing only a sexy black bra and panty set. We kissed at the door. I had seen her before and once again admired her petite yet busty physique — 4’9″, 98 lb., 32DD. She resembled the naughty babysitter complicit in her corruption. She offered me a glass of wine, and we sat on a sofa next to a dormant fireplace. We chatted for a few minutes. Then she invited me back to the bedroom.

I undressed and lay down on the bed. I noticed the nightstand littered with toys. She applied oil on my back and started with a back rub. Her technique was skilled. She invited me to return the favor. I massaged the milky white skin on her back and shoulders, but my eyes were fixated on that perfect ass of hers. My hands found their way to her behind. She moaned.

Dad-dy….

She said she was wet. She had me lie down and grabbed a condom. I caressed her silky blond hair as she orally pleasured me. Then she said that she just wanted to be fucked. She climbed on top of me and slid down my cock, grinding her hips against me. Holding her by the waist, I thrust my hips up and off the bed, intensely focused on those double Ds. She then reached for a bullet vibrator on the nightstand and positioned herself onto her hands and knees. I moved behind her and delighted in the sight of her shapely back and ass. As I slid myself inside her, she rubbed her vibrator on her clit. Her moaning heightened. She urged me to go faster and harder. I complied. Her vocalizations intensified and her body shivered. I could hold out no longer and exploded.

She cleaned me up, and we cuddled afterwards. Then it was time for me to shower and dress. We bid farewell, and I exited the hotel into the early summer evening.

Season of Doubt

The instrumental introduction to Tori Amos’ Icicle features a setting of the hymn “O, for a Thousand Tongues to Sing.” It’s not what you would hear on a Sunday morning. It’s a discordant, haunting piano solo that prefaces a song about repressed sexual desire.

This is a season of doubt.

Progress on my dissertation has been halting. Parish ministry has been wearying as political polarization encroaches upon church life. “Spiritual dryness” inadequately describes my inner life. I’m parched.

I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy….

Crash Davis, Bull Durham

Faith is for me admittedly largely speculative. I, too, believe in the soul, but it’s a highly conceptualized, Platonic abstraction. A literary critic described Henry Miller as having developed a “theology of the cunt.” “What holds the world together, as I have learned from bitter experience,” Miller wrote in Tropic of Capricorn, “is sexual intercourse.” There is nothing abstract about the cock and the pussy.


Leaning against the wall, Stephanie wore a mischievous smile. And a slinky babydoll nightgown. “Religion says sex is so bad,” she teased as she unbuckled my belt.

My hand moved underneath her babydoll, caressing her soft skin. She wasn’t wearing any panties. Then I gently lowered one of the straps, revealing her lush breast and erect nipple. “But perhaps it is true after all,” I responded, quoting Buber. That was the most persuasive answer I could venture.


Formed as I was by purity culture, it’s hard to overemphasize how much my faith was inextricably connected with sexual purity as a young man. Believing that true love waits… Since holiness required reining in my sexual desires, a life of faith demanded purity. As other teenagers were losing their virginity in high school, I memorized 1 Thess 4:3-7. Overcoming fleshly desires was at the heart of my religious practice. When “Liz,” a cute blonde classmate at my Christian college, tearfully confessed to having had sex, I confess to feeling a certain pharisaical pride: “I thank you that I am not like other men” (Lk 18:11). Despite the encroaching temptations, I entered my senior year of college still a virgin. Then….

The moment I knew sin, I fucked.

I committed myself to a year of service at an urban Lutheran parish, then commenced my studies at divinity school. I entered lay ministry in the Lutheran church. As I continued to yield to the seductions of Venus, a dark shadow of doubt enveloped me. Thou shalt not commit adultery. The commandment remained unchanged. Yet Jezebel had seduced me into committing fornication (cf. Rev 2:20). When she flashed her panties in that hotel room, my faith was not strong enough to resist.

The commandment, as I have internalized it, stridently forbids me from the sexual activities I engage in. I’ve proved incapable of denying or sublimating my sexual urges, so I maintain a pious façade while secretly indulging my carnal desires. The cost to my faith, as I’ve experienced it, has been considerable. As one college pastor noted, for his students “the Bible unsurprisingly starts to become a lot more ‘doubtful’ for some of them once they’d had sex.”

I’m torn between devotion and desire. I find that I seek solace not between the covers of the Bible but between a woman’s legs.

But her hips sway a natural
Kind of faith that could give
Your lost heart a warm chapel

Tori Amos, “Abnormally Attracted to Sin”