One Easter Sunday as a young adolescent, directly in the pew in front of me, was a family visiting our Lutheran church for the holiday. They included a pair of sisters who resembled the Hilton sisters. Seriously. And they conspicuously dressed like the Hilton sisters, wearing short, tight dresses. In the midst of the hymns and readings, my eyes wandered towards their long, tanned legs and round posteriors. Such a sight was a revelation in our staid church. My erection condemned me as I recited the words of the Confession:
We confess that we are by nature sinful and unclean….We justly deserve your present and eternal punishment.
As I mouthed the words of the Offertory, my thoughts were decidedly impure:
Create in me a clean heart….
After Benediction, I caught sight of one of the sisters coyly smiling at me. I was mortified that she may have caught sight of the bulge in my pants.
For the first time, I experienced what Augustine had lamented in his Confessions:
Within the very walls of your church, I felt incredible lust (3.3.5).
It wouldn’t be the last time.
Despite my efforts at compartmentalization, trying to erect a wall of separation between church and sex, I lust within the walls of the church. “Elena” in particular has my attention at the moment. She comes by and assists in cleaning the church and its associated buildings a couple of times a week. She’s a slender young Polish lass with shoulder-length blonde hair and golden skin. And oh-so fuckable. During her last visit, she wore leggings that left little to the imagination (her cameltoe was clearly visible). In my hypererotic imagination, I’ve yanked her leggings down, bent her over a pew, pounded her senseless, and deposited my load on her pretty face more times than I can count.
My parishioners would be astonished at what a pervert I am.
Set the believers an example in purity.
1 Timothy 4:12
Lutheran Guilt 