“Sexuality is the fundamental pulse of the universe.”
Dr. Anya Trahan
At a cozy coffeeshop, Rhonda and I had a stimulating conversation that touched upon embodiment theology, transpersonal psychology and her new vegan blog. Rhonda was a self-described “sapiosexual,” which is another way of saying that intellectual discussions got her wet. The intensity of our intellectual intercourse was a prelude to another form of intercourse.
“The physical union of a man and a woman, in essence, is a supernatural act, a reminiscence of paradise, the most beautiful of all the hymns of praise…. it is the alpha and the omega of all creation.”
Samael Aun Weor
As I held her in my arms in the afterglow, she said dreamily, “You made my soul come.” Perhaps she meant, in D.H. Lawrence’s words, “the strange, soothing flood of peace, the sense that all is well, which goes with true sex.” I reflected on the communion we had effected. Our persons had merged bodily, and any alienation dissipated as I disappeared into her. My cock had not just fucked her pussy; it had penetrated her consciousness. During our intercourse, there was no past or future. The whole of existence seemed to be concentrated in our fucking. Our psyches were burdened only by the intensity of our ecstasy.
Rhonda sometimes teased me about my “puritanical” disposition. (“The church,” she complained, “is the last bastion of repression.”) She witnessed my sexual ambivalence. My “crackling sexual energy” (as her almost supernatural intuition quickly grasped) uneasily coexisted with a constrictive sexual ethic. For Rhonda, the sexual impulse coexists within our spiritual horizon and is integral to our humanity. According to J. Harold Ellen, “Spirituality and sexuality are part of the essence of being human. They are two expressions of the same inner life force.” Rhonda’s religious eclecticism and esoteric spirituality (she without irony called herself a “sexually liberated Christian”) allowed her to encompass a variety of erotic mysticisms — Kabbalistic, Tantric, even Gnostic Christian. Her spiritual quest included sexual experimentation. (She identified as bisexual, which was a turn-on for me.)
Rhonda believed sexual energy is the most powerful form of energy, which could explain why she liked to have a lot of sex. Our desire for sex is our most powerful spiritual expression. Sex is nothing less than than the power to create life, the essence of creation. Sexual energy is the connection to our Source. Rhonda had once spoken of having tapped into the “cosmic orgasm” during one of our “sex magic” sessions. When she came, she said, she had an intense experience of spiritual illumination.
Was our sex, then, not a form of prayer for her? Rhonda found spiritual sustenance in meditation. She encountered the transcendent when she contemplated nature. And, if her words are to be believed, she was spiritually nourished through sex. My religious background conditioned me to see sexual desire as a weakness of the flesh, a lower instinct to be overcome. There is a Manichean duality between flesh and spirit. But Rhonda’s religious imagination saw the profane as sacred and the sacred as profane. Sexual impulses, the satisfaction of our primal desires, are an expression of our spiritual yearnings. Our animal nature is inextricable from our divine nature. As opposed to my duality, she saw sex as a symbolic expression of the unity of the universe. When the polarity of masculine and feminine, the principles responsible for creation, fuses together in sexual union, it reenacts the sacred union of the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine (Shiva and Shakti). Or as a Gnostic proverb bluntly puts it, “When two people fuck, the whole world fucks.” No wonder she attributed a transcendental, mystical value to the sexual act itself. We were engaged in spiritual procreation. In her perspective, our fucking was an act of holy promiscuity that had cosmic significance. Her bed was an altar. Or to put it another way, sex is a sacrament. Sexual union expresses union with the divine.
In that sense, our sex was a consecration. In penetrating Rhonda, I penetrated a mystery. All boundaries dissolved. Certain ancient mystery texts affirm that in sex the mystery of union is ritually reenacted. For a few seconds, as I came inside Rhonda, my ego was obliterated. I had transcended myself in the only way I knew how, surrendering in the abyss of ecstasy, tasting (if only for a few seconds) mystery and infinity.
Lutheran Guilt 